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Beast Bars

Beast Bars

Seventy five percent of all the food items sold to inmates through canteen comes from a single company:  Keefe Food Industries.  I hadn’t heard of it before I came here, but everything from the coffee to the peanut butter bears their name.  Keefe has such a strangle hold on our commissary accounts that the atheist inmates refer to God as “The Big Keefe in the Sky”.

Keefe Industries is also partly owned by the Bush family… which makes a lot more sense than it should.  So, in the spirit of “Fuck That Noise” (And also as a way to keep my design chops active) I decided to provide an alternative to one of their hottest sellers: A protein energy/candy bar.

What you are looking at is one of the hand-drawn labels that I use to individually wrap that alternative: Cloverman’s Almighty Beast Bar.

Using oatmeal, honey, powdered milk and powdered eggs – four of the only items in the commissary that don’t bear the Keefe name – and a microwave recipe from a good friend, I produce a bar that not only looks better than the competition, it also slaughters it in every important statistical category.  It has a third less fat, forty fewer calories, half the sugar and double the potassium, all while providing a gram more protein in an all natural mix that tastes way better and individually costs about a dime less.  The best part is that since I’m not allowed to sell them, I usually give them to the boys free… or trade them for something valuable, like a good joke.

Why would I give them away?

‘Cause fuck Keefe… that’s why.  People who make thirteen cents an hour deserve a better option.  Amirite?

Be good to each other,

- Luck (Clover Man)

P.S. For those of you wondering how I calculate the nutritional facts, I fashioned a mold out of cardboard and marked off 20 equal sections.  I pour my mixture my 380 pound Guamanian boy “Cheeks”  pressure packs it, and I cut along the marks.  I simply add all of the nutrition facts of all the ingredients I toss in the mix… and then divide by 20.

Aside from being my mental lifeline to the outside, this blog is an effort to help provide my beautiful son, Orion, with a little support while I am away. Any profit generated by the Ads on this blog get split between him and a charity that builds wheelchair accessible playgrounds for disabled children.

Aside from that, my spirit pretty much survives on sincere correspondence from the outside world. Letters sent by anyone are more valuable to me than clean socks. Write me, and I'll write you back.

Dante Orpilla #49007-112

feel free to use my art, but please
consider a small donation
towards my situation.


On June 16th, 2010, I was sentenced to serve 28 months in a Federal Penitentiary, for possessing with intent to distribute a Class A narcotic. This blog is a visual representation of that experience. Please enjoy responsibly.


For the better part of my life I have operated under the beautiful assumption that mans greatest gift is his ability to create. And so I do. My name is Dante. I am an artist, a musician, a writer and, above all, a very proud father.

Please note that messages are sent in writing to Blackmarket Arts and due to his situation he will not be able to respond. If you would like to begin a correspondence, please write to him.

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