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Hell’s Kitchen

Hell’s Kitchen

Of all the life questions I get in here, the most common subject is food. Specifically, I get asked to describe – in detail – how shitty it is. I’ve largely stayed silent on the matter for two reasons. One: I didn’t come here for the food, I came to pay a debt. Two: I don’t like to complain, so I won’t. I won’t complain about the bugs that live in the oatmeal or the hairnets we pull out of the soup. I won’t even complain about the mystery meat that comes through the dock in boxes with big ‘NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION’ stamps on the side.

I WILL, however, sing praise for the ingenuity our conditions have fostered, for the Master Chefs of the Microwave. Men who create culinary masterpieces with nothing but simple commissary items and the radiation box chained to the front wall of our unit. Those who can afford the ingredients indulge in dishes like Kool-Aid Chicken and Teriyaki Pork (Rind) Ramen. These dishes work just as well for college students trying to squeeze the most out of nothing, so I’ve included the recipe for my favorite thing on the compound, a gem that I’ve tweaked to perfection and renamed in honor of us…

Be good to each other,

- D


1/2 Box Vanilla Wafers
2 8oz. pkg. Cream Cheese spread
2 Tbs. Powdered eggs (or 2 eggs if you can get ‘em)
1 C sugar
1 4oz. pkg. Jack cheese
1 C water
2 1.4 qt. Bowl

1. Form the crust by placing vanilla wafers in the bottom one bowl and crushing by placing your thumb in a plastic spoon and smashing. Add enough water to moisten and mix until doughy. Microwave on high for 1 min. Spread around the bottom of bowl evenly.

2. Mix cream cheese, sugar and jack cheese in the other bowl.

3. Create the base by mixing powdered eggs, milk an water in an empty cream cheese container.

4. Microwave bowl with cream cheese on High for 2 minutes. Stir. Add Half of base. Stir. Zap for another 2 minutes, add rest of base and then stir.

5. Microwave mixture for 8 minutes, removing every minute to stir.
6. Pour mixture on top of crust. Rest for 5 hours or until cool.
7. Cut, take a bite, spin around and touch the ground like James Brown…

Aside from being my mental lifeline to the outside, this blog is an effort to help provide my beautiful son, Orion, with a little support while I am away. Any profit generated by the Ads on this blog get split between him and a charity that builds wheelchair accessible playgrounds for disabled children.

Aside from that, my spirit pretty much survives on sincere correspondence from the outside world. Letters sent by anyone are more valuable to me than clean socks. Write me, and I'll write you back.

Dante Orpilla #49007-112

feel free to use my art, but please
consider a small donation
towards my situation.


On June 16th, 2010, I was sentenced to serve 28 months in a Federal Penitentiary, for possessing with intent to distribute a Class A narcotic. This blog is a visual representation of that experience. Please enjoy responsibly.


For the better part of my life I have operated under the beautiful assumption that mans greatest gift is his ability to create. And so I do. My name is Dante. I am an artist, a musician, a writer and, above all, a very proud father.

Please note that messages are sent in writing to Blackmarket Arts and due to his situation he will not be able to respond. If you would like to begin a correspondence, please write to him.

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